A few years passed, and I continued to feel like I was at the bottom of the depths. I didn’t even feel like living….

As Miss Asahikawa, I spent the next year working and promoting tourism for Asahikawa City. I was treated like a VIP as I toured all over Japan. But the whole time I thought I shouldn’t glorify myself in this way. It was a self-imposed curse: “I must never be happy.”

Our daughter hated my husband and me, and about 20 years ago she suddenly disappeared from our home. Since then, she has suffered many terrible events, starting with serious injuries from domestic violence at the hand of her boyfriend. In recent years, after trying very hard to conceive, she lost her first son at six months old due to illness. This was followed by a divorce, a broken heart, and psychiatric care.

I have no choice but to accept this series of miracles. These kinds of things are going on and on. Miracles are welling up like a fountain …

When she was in high school, her mother disappeared. Three years later, her mother’s body was found deep in the Fuji forest. She went alone to retrieve her body. From that day, her father and siblings were forced to live together in strength. But just as they were about to do so, her father went off to his mistress.

Who am I? Where am I? I’ve managed to live my life almost screaming at the horror that emerges, no matter how many times I put the lid on it.　When I continued to pretend not to feel pain, I also lost my joy. So what was the meaning of my life? What was the meaning of just living without joy?

At my wedding, on the first day of my new life, I heard unexpected words from my mother-in-law. “My son was supposed to marry another woman.”

Before my mother encountered Miross, she couldn’t seem to stop worrying about the future of our family. Then all at once, without any action on my part, ..

Actually, love is waiting right beside you. How can we DANCE with love? How difficult is it for you to express your own role? You can only say it in words …

As I came to understand more and more about my life program, what had been a tangled web seemed to become a single thread, and even though it was my own life it was an interesting experience to me.

I don’t seem to even remember how to struggle or fight anymore. I just wondered how I have been fighting or battling with others. I can feel happy not due to staying with someone or meeting some sort of requirements, but ..

In the space with my partner, I can end the wound in my mind. My partner is my savior. To stop creating a chain of wounds is a real peace activity. We will let pure peace be created in the space of a man and a woman.

There were even times when I contemplated death along with my daughter, who was still a baby.

I continually wondered how I might be able to die. I seriously thought about it, and sometimes took actions toward my own death.

Writing this has helped me to recognize that the world I see has changed and that my wife and my workplace have been transformed. Many things are happening, but they are no longer made into problems.

Even though I didn’t understand anything about my mother, I thought she was a failure and I hated her, and that thought hurt me. Now I weep with love for her, and she has become the person I love the most ..

For the first time, I saw a look of sincere happiness on the face of my ex-husband, who had looked grim throughout the 33 years since we met. And for the first time, the whole family is laughing wholeheartedly!

I first met him last summer. Up until that time, I had been so mentally stressed that I had become ill and unable to work, so I resigned. I spent my days recuperating because it was too hard to do anything. I knew that I couldn’t go on like this forever. So, to improve my […]

It was I who gave the go-ahead for the cycle of receiving and giving love that overflowed from the very self of love, rather than believing in the self in front of me and courageously receiving and responding to that love.

My daughter, a junior in college, had started saying things like, “I don’t want to go to college” and “I want to die.”

When I know that my body is made of love, I realize that being alive is love, and that makes me grateful.

When I first came across Miross, I experienced a huge sense of separation from my partner. He was like, “Choose either Miross or me!” and broke the DVD and threw my Miross flyer into the air ..

Whether I’m a recluse, a rapper, pathetic, or cool, I’m me. I’ve started, and this is the way to go. It’s not about being good at something or bad at something. In my experience, being able to do what you love is itself talent, and if you enjoy it, your talent will blossom on its own!

Once, I felt intense despair that the world is full of ego.　Now I know that there is, and there isn’t. Either way can lead to the truth. What bliss! ..

Instructor Nakahara said to me, “You were the school nurse who approached you at that time. It was the future you who approached you as a sixth grader. That’s why you chose to become a school nurse, wasn’t it?” “Oh, I see!” I said ..

“I’ll get you for this! I’ll make you, your mother, and your sister all work in a brothel.” His threats and blackmail continued from there. I was so desperate I wanted to die. But even if I died, he would still haunt my sister and mother. I felt like I was in a hell with no way out, and I didn’t know how to escape　…

Back in my school days, I turned my back on everyone because of my own false beliefs! When I realized this, I burst into tears.　My heart melted, and I felt at ease …

“I was a caterpillar. I couldn’t imagine myself becoming a butterfly. But now that I have wings, and I’m sure that I can fly anywhere I want. “
My story

Ninety percent of Japan’s workforce is employed, and most of those who work are full-time workers. As long as those people have problems like mine, the world will never be free of conflict. They wear armor—their ego—and continue to fight.

There really is a “proud” world on the other side of the world simultaneously created by “shame.” I also understood that knowing your true self means regaining your love for yourself.

“Eventually, my mother would point her knife at us. “We will get killed if this goes on!” My sister and I ran from the house, trying to find somewhere we could kill ourselves.”

“I can’t bear this anymore… I want to die. ”At the moment I was about to drive into the sea in my car, ….

Despite her successful business, her personal life was suffering – she could never get rid of her hatred toward her father, her daughter suffered from health problems, and she separated from her husband. Her family was failing …..

“How could I be betrayed by my husbands in both of my marriages? It was because of a “life pattern” which had been passed down from my ancestors …”

“When I reached adolescence, I had a boyfriend who I considered marrying. But when he found out that I had a handicapped sister and an uncle who is an alcoholic and in psychiatric hospital, he said to me, “I cannot marry you because you have bad blood in your family!”

“I was totally exhausted, both mentally and physically, and I thought that I would kill him and then kill myself. But when I wrapped my fingers around his neck, he woke up.…”

“I realized that I was in self-denial. I always pushed myself saying, “I should be better!”, and always criticized myself. I understood that the indifference of the students toward me was …”

“Even though I tried my hardest on child rearing, things did not go as desired. There was nothing else I could do and I was in a desperate state. But when I learned the mechanism of human experience and the reason things do not go well, the answers to my various questions became clear, ..”

“As I was almost giving up on my life, I would tell myself, “After all, my life is miserable. That is how life is.” And I even developed an attitude where I thought I would have no regrets when I die.”

“I hated my mother. I always thought that our family will be happy without her. I even had this extreme idea that there are only two options for me to be happy, either my mother dies or I leave the family.”