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The world I see has changed.

By Mr. K. U, Company employee, Tokyo, Japan

A year has passed since my Miross freestyle schooling, and now, having put my thoughts into words there, the transformation of my workplace and my marriage are taking shape one after the other in a very real way. I report this with sincere appreciation.

This year marks my 32nd at the company where I started working after graduating from college. I had applied to be a system engineer there, but my division was suddenly dismissed and I was transferred to a completely different department. Just when I thought I was getting used to that job, I was transferred again, to a sales position in a different part of the company. I was transferred again and again, like a rootless person. Each time, just when I had worked hard and mastered my job, I was transferred and my career was reset. At each new workplace, I had to learn the job from scratch all over again. I felt that I was not only ineffective but also a burden to the company. I made mistakes even though I tried not to. My superiors and coworkers repeatedly reprimanded me and then denied everything. Because of this, I did not achieve anything of significance, and my peers and juniors were always ahead of me.

Why is my life like this, I thought.

As far as my relationship with my parents, my father is quiet, gentle yet unreliable, petulant yet tantrum-tossed, indifferent and harmless. His parents (my grandparents) were strict with him because he had no siblings. Although he tried his best to be useful in his own way, his parents did not approve of him and called him unreliable. He worked as a factory craftsman and was never promoted, all the way to retirement.

My mother is cheerful and fun but can also be nagging and meddlesome. When I was 11 years old, she developed an incurable disease called ossification of the posterior longitudinal ligament, and at the same time, she suffered a cerebral hemorrhage that left her paralyzed and unable to use her arms and legs. Because of her unusual appearance, I was bullied (she was teased as “Godzilla” and I as “Minilla”), and before long I began to dislike her. After she became ill, my father and my grandmother, who was living with us at the time, took care of her.

This is what I saw in my parents at that time. My father took over for my mother, who had lost the use of her body, and did all the household chores and whatever else without complaint, as if it were a matter of course. However, he left dishes unclean when he washed them, made mistakes or forgot to buy things when he went shopping, and so on. Even though he tried his best to be helpful, he failed and made my mother upset. The relationship between my father and mother slid into the relationship between me and my wife, and between me and my workplace.

I, too, was doing housework on behalf of my wife, who was unable to do so due to depression, and I did it as a matter of course, without any complaints at all. However, I would not do enough or would make mistakes, which annoyed her and made her irritated. I tried my best to be useful, but I couldn’t. This is exactly the relationship between my father and mother. I understood that my pattern was the same as theirs: I tried my best to be useful at work, but I couldn’t, and I was rootless and unsuccessful wherever I went.

There’s one more pattern that matches up with my parents. When my father passed away, I somehow felt that he had accepted everything. He accepted totally without complaint all the decisions I made about school and work, my mother becoming disabled, my grandmother needing nursing care, and so on. And I felt that my father lived his life to save my mother.

My wife told me that when she met me she felt that “this is the one who will deliver me out of this darkness.” What I felt for my father matched what my wife felt for me. Now, through the Miross system, I understand the pattern I was stuck in, so whenever I take an action, if something happens, I understand, “Oh, that’s how it happened!” and I don’t get upset. I feel that I’ve come to an understanding of the system.

My wife and I can now honestly and happily share what we feel with each other. We share various things from daily events, whereas before it was difficult for us to have conversations because my wife would get emotional and I would keep what I wanted to say bottled up. Our home has become very much the kind of “home where we can talk about anything” that I had always wanted to build.

In the past, I tried too hard at my job, but now I feel completely at ease and I am able to put down roots and work in the department to which I now belong. Recently, in this time of COVID, I received a complaint from a customer for delivering an item to the wrong address. With the situation shifting on a daily basis, the delivery destination had been suddenly changed. I thought I had given the correct information to my colleague who was in charge of delivery arrangements, in order to avoid any possible trouble. But the information on the number of units was missing, and moreover, my colleague did not confirm the information with me.

In the past, I would have claimed that my coworker was the cause so that I would not be blamed. But now I understand that despite the fact that both of us did our best not to cause trouble for the other, things turned out bad. I was able to apologize for my “fault.” Since then, no major mistakes have occurred. I also had a senior colleague who pointed out too many details, and I used to feel intimidated because I felt like I was being disregarded. However, after I understood that he was just reflecting and showing me my “wanting to be helpful to others” thoughts, I listened to him carefully and came to understand that he was simply giving advice to me.

I had another colleague at work who would say, “We have a problem! There is a problem!”
As the cliché goes, “If something goes wrong, you have to take responsibility for it,” but I stopped hearing this cliché when I realized that I had fallen into my parents’ pattern.

Writing this has helped me to recognize that the world I see has changed and that my wife and my workplace have been transformed. Many things are happening, but they are no longer made into problems.

Thank you, the Programmer. And thank you, Mr. Rossco and Ms. Midori, for having founded and passed on the Miross system to the world. I would also like to thank everyone I have had the pleasure of meeting.