2. Transformational Stories

  3. Your partner is your savior ~Reclaiming the joy of being born a woman~

Your partner is your savior ~Reclaiming the joy of being born a woman~

By Ms. Yoko Murai, Counselor, Hyogo, Japan

I’m writing to express my gratitude that observing my own emotional wounds has helped me to heal and regain the joy of being born a woman.

A long while ago, during the sharing after the PH class at the Miross specialist training course, I expressed my gratitude and joy that the space with my partner, with whom I had a totally unsuccessful relationship, was so transformed. What I shared was from my heart, and even though I was crying a lot while I was talking, I was somewhat calm at the same time. Then, perhaps because my joy had gone to the extreme, I suddenly remembered something.

It was over 20 years ago. I had been at my parents’ house for a birth, and when I came back home I found a note with a woman’s name and phone number on it. When I asked my partner about it, he said he had wanted to get involved with her but nothing had happened, and he told me to throw the note away. Normally, I might have said something like, “What have you been doing while I was away?” I could have been sad and angry about the situation.
But at the time, I was too numb. “Oh, nothing happened,” I thought, and I was so relieved that I completely forgot about it.

I think I am seeing the wound at this time precisely because the relationship between us is now overflowing with joy. Now I’m able to recognize and feel the wound. I was scared, but I decided to ask my partner what really happened back then. He told me that he had just been so lonely that he wanted to drown his loneliness.

The day before I was supposed to come home from my parent’s house, I had a fever. When I told him I was going to delay my return a bit, he said, “I’ve been waiting for you and expecting you to come home tomorrow! Why do you do this to me? Why don’t you just stay here and sleep off your fever? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?”

At the time, I thought, “Normally, if your wife had a fever you would reply, ‘Take it easy there until you get better.’” I thought he was just being strange. Now, looking back, it was truly impersonal and cold of me to think that way. I’ve lived my life under the presumption that there is only one way to do things in a situation like this.

But despite the fact that nothing happened, my point of view was “Why did he try to betray me just because he was lonely?” It doesn’t have to be me .. Driven by such thoughts, I was overcome by sadness and loneliness. I don’t know how many times my tears flowed. I couldn’t even eat. So many things had happened in the past, but I felt that it was all a lie because I had been made to feel enough that he was only interested in me in my daily life . At first, I tried to accept whatever I heard from him. But even when I tried to take it in, I was just doing it to satisfy my ego intentions, and nothing worked.

The next time we faced each other, I told him tearfully that I couldn’t help being filled with “sadness and loneliness.” It was painful and uncool to expose such a miserable me, but it was a great experience to show my true feelings. That day, an elementary school child at a store I visited said to me, “Auntie, you’re older than my mom, so why are you so pretty?” I’m just an old lady with swollen eyes, I thought. “What? Am I pretty?” I was surprised. I can’t usually express myself well, but I felt that I had gotten this answer from her: “You are fine just the way you are.”

Still, the sadness and loneliness didn’t stop. And this time it was ugly, with ranting and raving like anger coming out. I just couldn’t get the pain to go away. Then, just as I was feeling I had hit bottom, I suddenly felt gratitude. That really surprised me. For the first time, I felt a real sense of gratitude for what my partner had been earning and all the things he had done for me. This is the system, and we are living in this system of love. I could really feel it for the first time.

Up until that point, every time he did something for me, I merely took it as confirmation that he loved me. But I had no appreciation for the love that lay behind those thoughts and actions.
When I looked at my parents and saw them as “people of love,” I felt that I didn’t have that much love. I felt a sense of inferiority. Therefore, I was balanced by having an identity of “I am loved.”

My purpose in life was to keep that situation intact, and I was ungrateful for everything: being born, being alive, being able to live my daily life, being surrounded by my precious family, having a partner who earns money, and being able to eat. That’s why, through the emotions I felt during this experience, I was saying to my partner, “I have love, but you don’t!” I was heavily focused on this idea.

It was a way of life that mended itself in order to maintain circumstances. I had no love, no sense of self-love, no sense of being alive. I was accumulating anger, sadness, and loneliness.
For the first time, when I thought how loveless this life had been, I felt my true-self return to me. For the first time, I felt that I had become me. I felt a natural ease of relaxation.

I had been hard on myself. “Is this the right thing to say and do? Is this correct? Am I practicing Miross the right way? Do I properly understand it?” All my life, I had struggled with the opposite polarities within me. I felt that I had never wholly accepted myself as I was, despite having come across Miross and practiced it.

I felt like a victim of my own assumptions—like a perpetrator of my own unloving nature. Even before I encountered Miross, I could feel that my internal conflict was pushing me toward peace activism and creating people and situations that tormented me. I knew that my Miross experience was meant to end this sense of victimhood and perpetration.

Then my partner said, “I heard something amazing today! I heard that the real murderer was found in that case that happened more than 20 years ago. And since the DNA matched, there’s no doubt about it !” I felt grateful for an answer from the present. I could feel that it had been accompanying me all along.

There was also something that made me feel resistant to my father: in our house, there was a poster of naked women. I think I remember my father saying, “Women are really beautiful.” But his eyes were on the poster, not my mother. I thought, “He thinks my mother isn’t attractive as a woman. My father seems to love my mother very much, but as a woman, she isn’t enough.” I put that kind of sadness on it. I felt like my father was betraying her. I felt that I never wanted to be a woman betrayed by a man.

Just like that, the man and the woman in me were conflicted and created a phenomenon. For the pleasure that followed . Once I saw everything as myself, my masculinity made a world that already appreciated the beauty of my femininity. In the early days of our marriage, my partner used to say, “I’m lonely.” I was like, “What does lonely mean?” It surprised me to find out how much I had assimilated loneliness through this experience.

If I had never known about the Miross system, I would have clung to the vicarious intimacy of using my emotional wounds to get attention, and I would have let those wounds swell. But my partner’s willingness to tell me things that most people would hide was a sign that I wanted him to accept who I am.

I shamefully exposed myself to ridicule, but he didn’t shy away from his feelings, and he continued to face me and accept me. I wanted to experience the love of receiving and being received as it is, rather than having something done for me. We were drawn to each other because we had the same loneliness.

If having the same wound brought us together, then I am thankful for that wound. Thanks to this loneliness, I now enjoy intimacy to the fullest. When I feel this richness, I wonder if the programmers are having fun with me now? I think so. Thank you so much for creating us. We were a pair who wanted to be loved. But what we really wanted is to love.

The other day, we had a MIROSS️189 project. I met with members in Himeji for the first time in a while, and we shared our thoughts on the project. When I came home at night, I found that the dishes had already been cleaned up. I thanked him. He said, “I wanted to please you.” That word sank into my heart.

When couples can face each other and heal each other, they can end the cycle of a “sense of lacking” for the next generation. I think that the more we practice Miross, the more our frequencies align, and the more we feel the joy that can only be felt by this pair, him and me, and no one else.

I’m very glad that the need for sex education is now being talked about in our society.
Indeed, it’s very important. But Miross is the only way to enrich the relationship between a couple. I’m reminded of the need for this.I always thought it was a loss to be born a woman. Now I’m really glad I was born a woman!

I’ve heard that it’s impossible to practice Miross without love. I’m very moved by the fact that I am able to practice. I couldn’t have thought of doing so if I didn’t have love. In the space with my partner, I can end the wound in my mind. My partner is my savior. To stop creating a chain of wounds is a real peace activity.We will let pure peace be created in the space of a man and a woman.

We can love ourselves through our partners. This love is an eternal joy. The joy I feel from my partner is also the joy to love. I was born for my partner, and my partner was born for me.
I love him and I’m grateful for him. And I will live a life that satisfies me to the fullest.

We had been invited to a Miross group called Hidamari once before. At that time, one of our friends said to me, “I could talk to your husband for the first time about things that I had never been able to talk to anyone about before. And the fact that he answered my questions as he did was so therapeutic. I became his fan!”

We were so happy that everyone could feel our space as a couple in the space created by the daily practice of everyone at Hidamari! My partner asked me, “What do you want to do with Miross?” Without thinking, the words that came out of me were “I want people to come into our space and create a loop of happiness.” Now I recognize days like this as DNA memories from the future.

As I was finishing up this reality post, I heard from a fellow who had received the same mission, that of creating a loop of happy spaces for couples. The two of them had just finished building their new home. She said, “At the end of the building work day, the master carpenter and other carpenters greeted us and paid respect with a bow and two claps toward the house and toward us.” This is a Shinto ritual. She felt that building a house is sacred work. It made her happy to know that this is where their role in the project will begin. She sent us a picture of the house with this message:

“There, the dragon god was in the picture as if he was sending us a message that he was supporting us in every way. I felt the joy of receiving the mission and felt the kingdom rising in our space.” Thanks to Mr. Rossco and Ms. Midori’s discovery, structuring, and implementation of this Miross system, the “fear of losing” the feminine gender and the “fear of not achieving” the masculine gender have ended, and we get to experience both.

The need to straddle dimensions and re-create this human race, even though we were promised its abundance , I wonder how I can express my gratitude for your practice without a physical body. I’d like to ask a programmer to use this body. I was born for that purpose. 

In the midst of this experience, the most supportive thing I received was a birthday message from Mr. Rossco and Ms. Midori. “Happy Birthday. This is the day when one life opened up and pulled out of the eternal loop. Born of love, lost of love, and this time, we will regain love and raise life to an evolutionary version. Let us walk together through that special time.”
I always read it on my mobile phone. Thank you so much for all the love and attention you have given me all these years. To the Programmer, Mr.Rossco and Ms.Midori, the staff of Mirros Institute, all the instructors who have been guiding us all along, and the many friends who have always understood and shared with us, I am filled with gratitude to be able to walk with you in this time of the re-creation of humanity. Thank you very much.